Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
