I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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