It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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