even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
