You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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