I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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