some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
