Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
