where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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