I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
