remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
