Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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