Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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