my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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