Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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