Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
