I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
a search helicopter?!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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