3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
