somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
