I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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