I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
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I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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