ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
