yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
