I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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