Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
