soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
