No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
