so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
