I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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