Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
