guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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