If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
