Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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