He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
