sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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