I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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