you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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