just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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