Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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