i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
