So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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