I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
