dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
