I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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