You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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