I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
