he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
