You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's great music for shaving your balls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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