Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
