yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
