bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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