My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
