After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
