I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
