Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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