i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This baby is an asshole
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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