this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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