I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i love accidental penises.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
