Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
