piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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