ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
