Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Text me some of your sweat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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