So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When did angry sex become our thing?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
