im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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