Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
