A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
