i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
