you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
