I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
