Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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