im having a threesome with these popsicles
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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