Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
