I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
