I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
